A reminder of the past. Being a teen is hard.

Not my typical happy post. This is about losing someone I loved to suicide.

Today is the 20th anniversary of Nirvana's release of the life changing album "Nevermind". This album went platinum in two months. It touched just about every teens life in north america. And it was my anthem of pre-teens to teens.

I had a best friend, well I had a few. We were sort of a group. We lived in a area where the school was a thirty minute bus drive away so we spent a lot of time talking. Billy was my go to guy though. We had one of those friendships where we could talk for hours, and if we were interrupted we would call back and talk again.

I was just a teen when we met, and had moved to a smallish town from a large city. I brought my older sisters taste of music into the mix. Nirvana quickly became our favorite band. Music is such a powerful force in a teens life. Heck I barely do anything without listening to music, even now.

We remained close and almost obsessive friends through middle school. Experimenting with things we shouldn't have and writing page long notes to each other passing them intricately folded in between classes. 

On the summer between middle school and high school on a day where we hung out for hours, we had our first kiss. It was a beautiful kiss in late summer soft grass with a warm rock as our backrest. When he looked at me after, I saw "finally" in his eyes, and realized that he had felt more for me then I had for him. That the years of friendship were a courtship for him. I felt panicked and worried that I would lose him.

Billy was a honest guy, with youthful pimples that you couldn't see after a few minutes with him. He had dark thoughts, but as a girl who was raised with girls, I associated these with boys antics.

I left on vacation soon after the kiss, and was glad for it, I wished back the time when we were best friends and he didn't think he was boyfriend.

When we started highschool, we fell back into being friends, with three middle schools merging you had to keep your friends close while you carved a new path through high school, Our crew grew. Billy seemed to distance himself from the new add ons though. It probably wasn't  noticeable to many. He seemed to really crave the old way, and I was loving the new way.

We remained close as close can be. Then one day while he was walking with my nemesis and friend of sorts James, he called me a "ditz". I shut my gaping mouth, turned and walked away.

I was so hurt. I was so embarrassed. My best friend. In front a boy who was often cruel.

He called to apologize, I didn't answer.

He tried in the halls but I looked down. I switched spots in our shared  Math class. I arrived late and left fast. I was as angry and hurt as teen could be. Or so I thought.

We hadn't talked in just over a week when I heard the news.

Billy had hung himself.

The news cut me so hard. In that moment I was forever damaged. I could fill up pages and pages with my guilt and hurt and sorrow. To this day over 15 years later I cry when I think about it. 

I ask "why was I so angry" " why couldn't I forgive" "did me pushing him away, push him over the edge"

I know the answers, "|because I was a teen" "because I was still hurt and embarrassed" "and yes it did push him over the edge"  You don't have to comment how it wasn't my fault. 

I know I didn't put the rope around his neck. His best friend who had moved away a few years before had shot himself the week we weren't talking. The boy who had dark thoughts was just shown suicide and its devastating effects. I had turned away from him. He was an only child. He probably felt alone and abandoned.

I actually know exactly how he felt. I feel like as a teen(or maybe at any age) once you know someone who has committed suicide it is immidiately an option for you.You want so bad at this age for people to know your message, see what they have done to you, and even punish them. Teendom is selfish, teendom is lonely. As a teen, life seems quite little and  the hurts long lasting. You don't have the benefit of time to know the big things of today will seem like nothing much in the future. That bumps and bruises today will shape your thoughts later in life. 

It is a very hard time. All at once you have to learn about cruelness, social acceptance, gossip. Navigating the mine field of high school is daunting. You leave behind the years of easy friendships and after school hangouts. To having a slew of frienemies and one or two who sometimes have your back... maybe.

Looking back. I remember the hurt I felt when my best friend was angry at me. It nearly pushed me over the edge as well. 

So I wrote this, not to share the pain that has being in my life, we all have pain.

I wrote this because I am a mother, who loves her children. I wrote this as reminder to my self, to talk with my girls. To do anything and I mean anything to protect them. I want to remember highschool. It wasn't glory days. 

It is hard if you are pretty and popular and it is hard if you are average and lonely.  It is hard. And teenagers are dramatic, and feel things powerfully. 

Make sure you remember how it really was. Don't forget, when your with your teen. If I seem to be losing perspective as my girls enter the bad years, someone remind me.

*On a side note. I paint James as a big meany. But he soon became a amazingly close friend. Billy was one of his best friend too, which could be why he teased me. He found me wandering through our high school halls looking as forlorn and lost as possible, he held my hand and didn't talk because he knew.  So here is just another view of teendom, someone who you might view as mean or who teases you could be really very caring and kind. They might grow to be one of your closest friends.

* If you think suicide is an option. it really isn't, whether you want to send a message or are feeling lost or want someone to hurt. If something seems insurmountable. It is really not. I'm not minimizing your hurt right now, that is real, it will soon be a moment in your past. Like a lemon drop you have to suck through the bitter and then there will be sweet stuff.  Talk to your parents, tell them it is serious. I have never met a mother or a father who wouldn't move mountains to save there child. Talk to anyone talk to me. I can make just abut anything better:)

I am terrible..... I have a ridiculous amount of articles due, and I am on my own neglected blog. This blog doesn't have the benefit of a copy editor and site monitor.... it just has little old me and my horrid grammar and spelling.

I can't think of a clever thing to write, so I downloaded some Nine Inch Nails.... and some Pistol Annies.

I found some sites, bought alot of shoes..... Recently my niece who is 4 put on some heels and told her mom, "oooh Im auntie, I'm driving kids to school" Yup that's my job driving kids to school in sexy heels:)

I should be working on "doing shit" which is my new pet project about taking time to do stuff......

All this rambling and still not inspired..... I will talk about "doing shit"

"I Do Shit" started through rambling with friends and daydreaming about life, and stuff we wanted to do.
In my regular life I try not to curse or put curse in written form, in my secret blog life, I am a crazy say anything lady who curses like a drunk trucker. I had thought of taking ownership of my previous ramblings and sharing with my friends.... family and the crew of social network comrades. But I talk about alot, Im basically a  open book, the kind of book where you would totally judge the author. Well if you knew everything it just would be weird... like you read my diary, who writes in there diary when they are happy and nice...... well I do, but I write alot more when I'm peeved.

So for lack of not wanting to share my crazy for reelz life with you. I'm willing to do shit in front of you.

What is shit you may ask.....

Shit is:

Losing that last ten Lbs (shut up  I know im skinny already.... but I got shit like you got shit!) So I chronicle a horrid 3 week cleanse, video pictures everything!

Getting strong- Some how you would think a woman who can carry a 25 lb 2 year old two napsacks and a weeks worth of groceries would be strong.... but I am like a soaking wet kitten... that weak So i go to the gym, I get bullied by trainers I run and lift and do allsorts of things that will make me walk like a 90 year old.

Being Flexible- yes this is important... I use to win all the I can do cooler crap then you contest against my husband with these three tricks, putting my whole fist in my mouth, picking up golf balls with my hideously long toes and being able to extend my leg behind my head straight. I can still pick up the ball with my toes....

Dancing well. My dance moves are basically the hokey pokey the roger rabbit and the running man. Which I have tried to pass of as "shuffling" from Party Rock by LMFAO So you will see me learn a difficult and seeminly impossible hip hop routine as well as a  much more sultry dance.... not looking forward to those bloopers!

Conquering my fear of heights (bunji jumping is the goal) I just peed my Pants thinking about it...awesome

Learning how to drive a trailer. You know what im talking about. We have boats and rv's here and I cannot use them without my husbands help. By next summer I will learn how to launch a boat and back a trailer into a camp site..... preferably a large campsite!!

My crazy editor and friend has thought about a whole bunch of stuff I can do.... awesome!

I chose to add getting super Hot! So I get a lot of time in the spa.... but they will be doing painful procedures... Not so awesome.

I will link the new blog when it is up.

Time to Train????

After our recent health scare of our youngest baby, who is now approaching 22 months. I have no desire to watch her grow up too fast. Besides I'm addicted to cloth diapers, really addicted and I'm pretty sure no new babies are in the near future. So when my gorgeous baby ran up to me the other day and said "bum, bum" and when I checked.... she was having a BM. I had a mild panic attack.

I was at my sissies having coffee, and she always has many Ikea potties on hand  (with three kiddies, three and under it is necessary to have potties every where). So we put my babe on the potty. I felt an ache in my heart thinking the times of the lie down and playful wiping and changing are rushing away, and soon I will hear the familiar call down the hallway "mom, I'm done, come wipe  my bum". I wont be able to put it off for a few minutes when it is more convenient for me.

Toilet training is demanding and time consuming. I knew it was coming. I had no plans with my third to be proactive though, My goal was by the time she was three we would have the task virtually mastered. Funny how things change over the years. My first was a potty star at 18 months. My second trained herself when she was two in our summer cottage outhouse. But with our third I'm not going to have the convenience of summer dresses and green lawns to catch the accidents, We are in the heart of winter it is wet and cold and we are always dressed in layers.

My question or questions is, is it okay to postpone training, or should I definitely follow the cues of my child? I would love to hear what you think

My last 1 year old gives me a gift

I have a tonne of unpublished posts, this blog is like my little life record book. I write now for a lot of different sites but this is where I publish or don't, excerpts about our life.

One of these unpublished post is about the health struggles we have had with Tinsley this year. I cannot bring myself to publish it, the feelings are still to close and I feel the intensity of the fear that gripped me during those months.

In the post it tells of unusual incidents, miracles and odd coincidences that all led to saving Tinsleys life. Tonight on the eve of her turning two I read an amazing story, called "Heaven is for real". It is about a young boys brush with death and heaven. This story accurately describes the feelings I had when I realized my prayers were just answered.

Earlier tonight when I was milking the last day of having a one year old. I sat smelling her hair thinking how lucky I was to have her. How close we came to the edge.

Sometimes we get into the grind of chauffeuring kids here and there, getting them into a lot of activities.  Brushing their hair a little to hard, just to get it over with. Rushing them out the door or car. Being annoyed at their art work on our walls. This list could go on and on.

But tonight, sitting there smelling my precious daughters hair, realizing she is going to be a "terrible two". I made a promise to myself and it will be a gift to  my children.

• I will take my time, I will show kindness and patience, it is what I would want to see reflected back. 

• Not to care about the artwork on freshly painted walls. If I lost my girls tomorrow their drawings would be rare pieces of cherished artwork. Instead of instantly scrubbing it off, I will snap pictures. In a year it will be a fond memory.

• I have never being a super scheduled mommy but I will schedule  for quality "at home" time. 

• I have three daughters, brushing and styling hair is a fun task and I'm going to treat it that way or not do it!

If the worse were to happen, I don't want to remember pulling hair or getting to the pool ontime. I want to remember quiet moments smelling their messy hair.

And my children will grow up with memories of messy hair and a kind loving mom... who smelled them alot.

To diaper a newborn.

Finding the right diaper for a newborn is a very challenging task. If your like me and like to experiment with many different types, it can be a little daunting to know all these new born diapers only last two to three months, before they outgrow them into real size diapers.

My last newborn was 6  pounds at her lowest weight. I want you to imagine that tiny baby with a very well made Rump-a-rooz or Mother-ease one size diaper. The diapers were lovely, but large on my baby. She was to say the least pear shaped and the diaper often started inches under her armpits. Even at 8 lbs they were too large looking to fit under her clothes. A job I did not relish was putting her in a trendy Gap outfit, the pants were definitely not designed to go over her cloth wrapped tushy!

This is where I knew I needed a trimmer diaper, even if it were just one or two to have on hand for when we were going out. The big dipes could be used for at home under sleepers.

A friend had dropped of some Nikki covers and some pre-folds. The covers were very small and trim, even the mediums were tiny. I liked the Nikki design they had really nice gussets and a mesh lining that kept the cover smelling fresh so it could be used more then once. But the pre-folds were still quite bulky. I looked on-line for forums to help solve my dilemma. I knew I couldn't be the only momma unable to squish her baby into the cute clothes gifted to us.

I found links to many inserts, but most had to be folded down for the newborn size. I found and ordered newborn inserts, but shipping would be two weeks. I was hoping for a instant solution. 

Thankfully, a wonderful momma in Seattle posted her solution to my big butted problem. She had went to Wal-mart and bought a pack of 24 cotton facecloths for 6 dollars. She cut a piece of fleece up into  home made liners. She would take a facecloth fold it in three and cover it with a piece of fleece.

At the time I was changing my baby 8- 12 times a day and she only drank 1-2 oz at a time. I was pretty sure a terrycloth cloth would soak that up, the fleece acted as a great wick for the dampness and it protected the cloths from the mustard color stains from her BM's. The best part was it was very trim.

This solution worked great till she reached about 10 lbs. By then she was drinking 3- 4 oz, and a facecloth no longer did the trick, but my 24 pack of cloths did not go to waste. They now are now on hand as a reusable washable wipe.

This solution was cheap and easy but man oh man now that I see my friends with their newbies in lil`joeys and fuzzibunz perfect size, extra small diapers, do I feel envy. My advice would be to get one or two diapers meant specifically for your newborn. In the end you will love showing off your little one in a perfect fitting piece of fluff:)

Adventures In Babyland

This is my unsolicited review of Babyland cloth diapers.

I just finished my two week hitch of exclusive Babyland usage. They were used for nighttime, daytime, naps, and swimming. I used them on my 22 month old, and at night time my 5 year old daughter who is randomly making it through the night with out wetting!!! Yay!!

These were a online purchase from china. I had heard good reviews and wanted to try them for myself. I got them for a great deal, and I should have, almost 6 weeks for them to arrive, and the added bonus of my 20 dipes coming in two packages landed me with double duty!!

So the duty and wait time aside. The dipes looked great. I got half an order of print and half a order of solid.

These are the prints but I didn't order the new style with the second row of snaps.... read my Kawaii review to see why I'm averted to double rows!

Basic colors. The fabric is soft on the outside. It seems different the PUL I am use too.

So after two weeks here are the stats.

• One night time leak on the five year old..... my fault, I only inserted one insert because she has being doing so well and was revolting against the bulk.
• One baby night time leak.... she woke up for two bottles, and slept for almost 15 hours
• No poop leak
• No diaper rash 
• No pressure marks from being to tight.
• No stains from poops
• No awful lingering dipe smell after I didn't wash for 5 days ( this is where i fell in love with babyland)

At the same time a friend of mine also ordered Babyland, and we were sharing FB messages about how much we love them.

The prints are a hit,  hello kitty is the all time favorite here.... We are a house full of girls. The rabbit one which is the cream colour print has snowflakes on it, and the green one has kitties skating, which my girls love... it is winter. I wonder though if we will use those prints in the summer.

These made cute swim diapers, my husby takes our girls swimming once a week and he said he got many questions about where we got her swim diaper. My husband a proud cloth diaperer in public, slightly reluctant at home...teehee, would always respond "oh they are cloth diapers, they make good swimmers."

This comment would always result in FB messages (we live in a small town) about where I bought them. I have since resold 4 of my stash to other moms who although don't cloth diaper do swim and hate to spend moula on the disposable swimmers.

The fit on these was almost always perfect and only once after a restless nap did we have noticeable wing droop. With two inserts the elastics stayed snug against the leg, keeping any nap messes contained!

Babyland will soon be available here at TishToshBaby.com.

Did I just fall of the Kawaii Train?

This is my unsolicited Review of the Kawaii brand diaper.

I will be reviewing the Eco-Friendly Bamboo Minky, The Goodnight Heavy Wetter Snap version. And the Original Square Tab snap cross over.

Originally I was introduced to these dipes by my sister, who bought them directly from Kawaii's website.

The owner is really great at communication and is a fast shipper.

I love the luxury of the minky, It was definitely the diaper I put on my babe when we were headed to the doctors, or to a mom group. It is soft feeling and trim with one insert. My babe is 23 lbs, and I use it on the largest setting. It feels slightly snug around her legs and a little loose around the middle. If I tighten the waste it is too tight on her legs. It is good for about three hours with a babe who loves her bottles.

My big down side to the minky is, it stinks. It is very hard to strip the stench away. All my diapers are cleaned every two-ish days. They all basically come out smelling fresh and clean. Not my minky.  Because of this it has given up the throne of the show off diaper and now resides at the bottom of the stash, rarely getting used.

The goodnight heavy wetter. OMG this dipe is great. I will lay the ground work, I cloth diaper, a 20 month old who goes to sleep with 8 ounces of liquid in her system, she was waking up for one to two 4 oz drinks at night, and soaking through a heavy wetter disposable and the best of my cloth stash. She sleeps for 12- 14 hours and does not like to be changed in the middle of the night.

The first night I tried it, I was amazed. My sister had told me, I would like it, but i really do love it, it is soft around the leg and the inserts are thick. The baby gets up in the morning dry. The outer material is soft, and is a cute print.

Now you might have read my title " Did i just fall off the Kawaii train" The original cross over Tab is what has sent me into Kawaii retreat. I had heard of inconsistencies when I did my Kawaii research but I feel like this is extreme. I had tried this style of diaper and originally thought they were great, and cheap.

The outer material is so soft and flexible. They are easy to stuff and the inserts expel easily in the wash. You get two microfiber inserts.

The website says they fit 8-36 lbs. As I said I have a 20 month old who is 23 lbs, she wears 2 year old clothes and is exactly the right weight for her age. I ordered 12 of these dipes for my stash.

This is how i found my daughter after a three hour nap.

The picture doesn't do it justice, she screamed in pain when I wiped. I couldn't put another dipe on for hours, and she has a scar along the inside of one of her thighs from this injury.

The diaper was on the largest possible setting. I am finding it hard to believe that they would ever fit a child who is 36 lbs.

My resourcefulness discovered by using only the top row of snaps the fit along her leg is much better, but she always has painful looking snap imprints on her hips.

I cant imagine how these would have fit in her younger rollier days. I'm holding out hope that as she grows taller they might fit better.

Kawaii has some great prices for some well made diapers, If I were to make a suggestion, it would be to not buy in bulk.... like me. If a diaper doesn't work out you don't want to be stuck with a tonne of them.

things I learned in 2009

You know those facebook notes, list 25 things about you, or list of blah blah blah. well I get them read them, but I never have time to write them out. Come on I have five children running around all day, I only get to creep for a few minutes. I read this good one, "who cares about resolutions what life lessons did you learn in 2009"

This creep cost me a day of rethinking 2009. During my hectic day I found myself constantly giggling at my families antics. And this was usually while standing inline with a cashier waiting for money as im gapping out:)

So here it goes

Friends come and go. Those of you who are lucky enough to be my friend;) probably know I am all in as a friend. You can basically ask me to do anything and i will!!! Im always thinking about you and how to make your life better, how to help you out or uplift your life. I will devuldge my deepest secrets, talk about my married life, talk about premarried life (which is much funner). let you hide out in my house after you meltdown and throw macaroni at your hubbys head. I will plan and conive on how to get yours, mine or one your friends husbands back for being men. But sometime this close relationship grows apart. Im ok with this, as I am that friend who can pick up 8 years later and be just as good as we were.

Bad parenting will always come back and embarass you at inoppurtune times. Case in point, "B if you dont listen im going to get your butt with a wooden spoon" this is something I say, often I am joking. I have never spanked my child with a wooden spoon.... i dont even spank. But my parents said it to me.... they didnt spank either, and so i say it to my brats:) Well Children are sponges who never forget what you say let alone the tone you say it. So Im having a mommy playdate with new mommies and their toddlers and such, my daughter Mia can be heard over the baby monitor shrieking "if you dont give me that im going get your butt with a wooden spoon..... mortified.... mommies please close your gaping mouths.

That I am soooo done with reproducing. 4 to 5 days a week I have a 8 month old and 18 month a 2 1/2 year old a 4 year old and a 6 year old. I call the yougest my Irish triplets and they themselves r a full time job. Cloth diapering them is ridiculous, temper tantrums are outrageous, and the chronic napping is a burden and a godsend.... I love them all but full time so many younguns is like being under house arrest. So I have made the descion to send my hubby in for surgery.... Im not into being infertile, but im totally ok with him being infertile.

I have had three children exit my body... I did two virtually drug free... had some gas but what was the point. With my third My delivery was different...not as fast and furious as the other two.... more like medium and painful. By 7 centimeters I was desperate, when they talked about pain management I was like get the dr here NOW!!!!! And the next twenty minutes were me huffing pointless gas and asking how long till he gets here.... when they said he was here just had to get his jacket off... I was like no no no he can leave his coat on. they laughed. $#@% them! then they wanted to check me.... no no no I dont care if you see her face( the babies) i want drugs! The dr just gave me a spinal... it wears off in 1 1/2 hrs but it will do the trick.... I havent slept in three days. Pain free is amazing I sleep instantly for twenty minutes... I wake up and say "soph can you check me i think i need to push" I cant feel it though. She says yeah you do! Now the spinal didnt last 1 1/2 hr it lasted about 30 minutes but it was well worth it!

I cannot drink like a single lady! My best girl ended a 8 year relationship this year and to be supportive I embraced her singledom and hit the clubs. No one should drink heavily and be confronted with dirty diapers in the morning.... enough said

that breast is not best..... yeah i said it. So all you breast beasties trying to cram it down every new moms throat shut it....! Sorry but im on my third baby and I have experienced it all. Breast, bottle, soother, no soother. I am going to tell you what is best. Well there r two best, one is whatever frickin works! The other, the ultimate best is a baby who will nurse, and who loves the bottle whether its filled fill breast milk or formula. A baby who likes a soother who but who can go without. A baby who can find comfort in her mothers touch not just by chomping down on her over abused nipple. So think before you speak in certainty, you dont know if your strong opinion is hurting a mother who just couldn't do it. And to all you new moms, there will come a time when you dont want to be the only source of nutrition for your baby. and thats ok!

That I love to camp but I love a five star resort more. thats all

Husbands get more and more useless in the delivery room. Case in point. With my first he was there all the time. followed my desires with out going off course. My second he slept through most of the labour but came in for the pushing. My third he actually stood over top of me while i was in excrutiating pain reading a yachting magazine and ocassionally peeked over the top to see how i was doing. If bringing our child into the world wasnt using up every ounce of strength I had. I would have choked him.

that your parents were right when they said "wait till you have kids" "what goes around comes around" and other things like this. I admit that when we had bria and she was perfect and helpful and still is that i thought they were wrong. Im slowly learning that its the middle child to watch out for....... she is sweet and quiet and cute, and up to absolutely no good, she has the listening skills of her father....none. And the inherited desire to do it her own way.... thats from me. She has the inability to retain simple request "not to".... i think i gets translated in her brain to "you must always colour on the walls", or "you must give you baby sister peanut butter bread. " So What your parents said is true.... I hold onto this and am waiting for the time i get to say it to my kids:)

I learned to never say never. What you think you wont do today, might be neccesary to do tomorow.

I learned 7 bottles of wine in a few hours is not good for the pupils. ( yes I shared them with other people)

This is where I found this blog finished..... I guess thinking about drinking to much wine made me quit..... thankfully I can say by 2011 I learned never to drink homebrew like it was water:) Also I have learned some hard lessons since this time but I have allso learned some amazing soul lifting ones aswell. I love that life keeps moving.

Maybe cloth diapering is for you

You know you've pondered the idea, thought "I would like to wrap my babies bum in cloth instead of disposables". I'm sure you have weighed the pluses against the minuses and the reason you chose not to was the price or "too much work".

I'm not pushy about what you choose to do, in our family we use sposies and cloth, mostly cloth but we have sposies for back-up.  But I will be honest, I get pretty annoyed with people who tell me they didn't do it because it would be too much work...... In my head I think, "Uh-huh, and you know this how?"

It is almost always non cloth parents who will tell you how hard and labourous cloth diapering is, who will turn off potential fluff moms with their strong opinions. All the moms and most the dads I know who fuzz butt (cloth) their babes think its easiest thing ever. Most feel pride at showing off their fluffy bummed babes. Cloth mammas love and get addicted to the different methods, annoy their sposie friends with details on their latest addition to their fluff stash.

So Im going to give you links to online stores, group buying,  and other ways you can try cloth diapering for the cost of two months of disposable diapers. Then you can choose if it is for you on your own.

First cloth diapers are not costing the ridiculous 24 dollars a diaper anymore. (but if you do buy one for this price you cant go wrong, I love my rump a rooz and BG's) There is a lady in Richmond BC who sells Kawaii diapers for around 6.50 bucks each. Find them HERE she gives discounts for group buying and free shipping for over 70 bucks. The diapers are amazing and they are the first ones I have found that get us through our baby's 13 hour sleep. They are one size and I have tested them on a 6 month old and a 1,2,3, and 5 year old, boys and girls.

If you are an ebay shopper she has a online store where you can get them cheaper Here but ebay has an amazing assortment of cloth diapers browse them here

Most come  from over seas, and at first you might revolt against this idea, but do your research, find out where the most popular diapers are made, Lots of these diapers are made in the same same factories as the the top ten diaper brands.

So If you spend 40- 80 dollars you get yourself a nice little stash to actually try it out, to make the diapers pay for themselves you only have to use them for two months, after that you can sell them used or trade them. Try places like craigslist, facebook groups, usedeverywhere or my fave  Diaperswappers.

And for you adventuress do it your self mammas. Try wazoodle's diaper store, for the supplies to make your own. The packages are pretty well priced and you will love showing off your home-made fluff:)

I mentioned group buying. This is a real valid option where you can get a decent amount of diapering supplies for the fraction of the cost. I'm holding one now, where you get 10 diapers 2 wet bags and 20 inserts made overseas, snap closure prints and solids available. We are hoping the price will be 45- 50 dollars. Message me for pics and deets!

 The bonus of having cloth diapers is you never run out, they are good for a long long time. Our five year old still has to where a diaper at night, so thats 365 diapers a year,  her disposable cost would be 170 dollars a year. But two night time heavy wetters set us back 12.50$

I hope you choose to try:)

no tv! no dramma mamma

Lord help the mothers of 6 year old girls.

Yeah I understand that this does not seem like a worth while problem someone would ask the great power above for help with, but this is what I have needed help with so I'm assuming their are other mammas out there, who have seen the transformation from sweet cuddly helpful five year old daughters to bratty obnoxious little beings who have discovered sarcasm.

With our oldest we breezed through all the stages other parents talk about, teething, terrible twos, the "how come?" threes. Bed time night training at four. These all came with relative ease. But then school came at us. And I am not talking about the sweet, circle time, hold hands 5 year old kindergartner either. I'm talking about the "your not coming to my birthday party" grade one. Yup 24, 6 year olds crammed in and guided by one capable and patient adult.

This is when I feel children start to develop control over their relationships, they aren't just friends with their mommies coffee buddies, kids. They are friends with their peers. And with this comes tattling, hurt feelings, bossiness, and occasionally and i do mean occasionally actual playing.

I had noticed my daughter crossing her arms and stomping her feet when asked to do something she didn't like. The lip pout accompanied with the sit and somber when things didn't go her way. It was the talking back that really rattled my chain. The learned sarcasm and the basic "well duh" tone to her voice made me grit my teeth. How am I going to convey politeness to my child when her actions made me want to scream and shout. I was sure this was brought on by school yard bantering.

So I patiently tried to use my words, sometimes breaking down and mimicking her. Anything I could to to get her to understand respect, all to no avail.

At 6 she is no longer willing to sit and watch the backyardigans with her little sister. And as the senior she basically controls the boob tube. So my four year old is also watching the likes of miss montana, and alex the wizard, all of whom I learn talk to there friends, parents, and siblings with the snotty tone I had grown to loathe. Could this be true? I am providing my children with the bad influence?

As a child we had always had TV. We watched or we didn't. And maybe because back in the 80's and the 90's their weren't whole networks aimed at entertaining kids. I don't recall the heroines of the shows to have a constant sarcastic attitude...... or maybe i am wrong.... i was in love with Zach from "saved by the bell" and he wasn't exactly kind and thoughtful of Mister belding. Hmmmm tv is a bad influence after all.

I went back and forth with this thought for awhile. The final straw was when I heard my precious four year old use that same gratting tone and thats when I pulled the plug on the tv.

I cancelled cable. I didn't tell the kids. One day there just wasnt tv. I stocked up on disney vhs's and a bunch of dvd's. I set the kids up with there own computer and they have wii. Im not depriving them of entertainment. I'm just not going to have the so called "family" Channel on at all hours of the day, London Tipton's entitled attitude will not be a constant influence on my kids.

Now your probably wondering did this even help... what does my husband have to say about losing his constants sports updates. How am I surviving with out my greys, or survivor.

It did help. My kids have never complained about no tv. Although they are eagar to watch whenever we go to there aunts or grandparents. Occasionally I will put a show on the computer. I have found them playing more. Building couch forts and pillow rooms. The snotty tone has dissipated and i hear love and kindness in its place(alot more of the time anyways).

My husband watches all his shows online. No commercials. You can watch sports live on the Internet. We have found that we spend more time together, curled up watching the latest episode of community or mantracker. We haven't gone so far as to hook one of our many computers up to the big screen but I am tempted.

No TV. Saved Money. Better Family. I probably wont be TV free for ever but I am enjoying my experiment now.

we have hit the great depression of free time

Before children the ability to do what you want when you want was so amazing.... the only thing stopping me was well nothing... My husband looked at free time as a put in take out kind of banking system. At the time it was annoying. I would go for drinks with the girls come home a little tipsy and he would see this excursion as basic permission to go out with the boys come home at some godawful hour completely obliterated and often on the prowl. So you could see how this might be annoying.

Well you add children, free time becomes less frequent. the ability to get a little tipsy just about disappears. This becomes more apparent as the children start to outnumber the parents. Basically there is no escape. My daily routine is planned to the max, no free time. 8:00 am to 9:00 pm we are picking up, dropping off, finding leotards, hair elastics and the ever hiding hairbrush. Not to mention the bedtime hour that seems to be getting longer and angrier as my children refuse to stay in bed. Regardless, if I want to have lunch with my sister I basically need three days notice to schedule a sitter.

You would think his banking system would come in handy now but in reality he is ok going into overdraft in fact im positive he has reached full limit on all his free time credit cards. Because as a man he needs more free time then me. Coffee with the guys in the morning, fishing, hockey, golfing, slo pitch.... these things eat up a lot of time. And he wants to do all of them every week..... we have three kids, which I have alone for 45 hours a week. And all these tasks add on 10-15 extra hours of free time, and you know who that falls on... moi....

It often gets to the point where im so annoyed at his overschelduling of his outside time that i put restrictions on..... he was leaving the house at 6:30 in the morning to watch sports and drink coffee with the guys( he doesnt work till 8). Which left me to pull my butt out of bed and take care of the baby. After about three days of going to bed at 12 and waking up at 6:30 i had, had enough. He got home ...poor him... to a very exhausted, mentally depleted, and vengeful wife.... an hour and a frickin half. If he wants to wake up that early thats fine... i have laundry lunches and coffee on my to do list, thanks for volunteering! The new rule is no leaving this house till 7:30 am.

He is a clever man though, and he in his desire to catch all the latest sports stats... started to change our alarm clock time ahead.... eventually buying himself an extra 17 minutes a day. WTF. I got him back though..... I changed it and bought myself an extra seventeen minutes the other way. he caught on though the first day, stupid men and there internal clock! More so stupid me, i should have done it gradually too!

Yes I may have solved the morning issue. But he has time taken up everywhere and im sorry but we are in a recession of free time.... come see me in a few years when our babes r a little more independent. Im sure he will have time to frolic when they are older.... with three girls im assuming then he will be using his free time to hunt down boyfriends.

No work.... oh no work

I have had a fabulous maternity leave. My baby was a sleeper... all day and all night. My oldest was in a school she finally liked..... ( the year before i had tried to have some culture in her life by having her attend a strictly french school.... it was more like culture shock!) My middle child was finally speaking in a language adults could semi understand.



I spent time with family. I sewed. I coffeed ( Yeah i made up a verb so what) Oh you need a definition



coffeed: a group of friends getting to gether drinking coffee and bashing there husbands... just joking.



Regardless I had it going on.....



My return to work date was coming up... and it kept approaching faster...... how was i going to give up running my house like a well oiled machine... for rushed mean morning mom... or tired exhausted dinner mom.... lets not even talk about the bedtime monster... Three kids in child care.... bahahaha wowza there goes my paycheck.



Ok im not going back... no im going.... oooh all that work for no money........ kay im done... better tell my boss.



Now here i am, at home, not really sewing, parenting my baby who sleeps for 6 hours a day. And my middle one is addicted to the computer....and Im hit with the reality, im not working, no paycheck, no real adult time. No directional goal.



I am throwing my self into school fundraisers and organizing photoshoots for friends spending all kinds of hours working, and i realize i am back to where i was before, (all that work for no money)... im a month into my non working life and i have realized I need work.. At least a form of it. Outside washing toilets and making baby food, planning family dinners and organizing our life.

So now, to find the ultimate job for a want to work mommy.....

my four year old is me.... this is what my parents threatened me with

• They are all laughing at me.... My parents, probably my sisters basically anyone who knew me as a child.
  
  
  My middle daughter is terrible, she's adorable i will give you that and her voice is not as gratting as mine was im sure but she is basically me as a child.
  
  
  
  As a child I was horrid. I was super loving, but I was a tyrant. Rebelled against any order. Apparently my voice could be heard within a twelve mile radius when i was upset. I did destructive things all the time especially if my parents told me not too. here i will list a few examples so you can get an idea of how terrible i was:
  
  As a child 6 and under
  
  
• I would peel the wall paper off my walls on purpose immediately after told and threatened not too.


• I would wake up and pee the bed, gross i know but as a child i didnt seem to mind lying in my own urine.
  
• to get back at my parents during time outs, i would climb under my bed and have a nice little pee.
  
• I hit, screamed, and tortured anyone in my way


• And i chronically whined.... And i would persistently ask for what I wanted.... Im sure this was the worst

Now there was much more terrible things I did but I thought this list would give you an example of just what my parents had to put up with. Basically as a child if you crossed me i punished you. my favorite weapon just happened to be pee.

So as a child and more so as an adolescent my parents would joke wth me and tell others basically what goes around comes around and I would get what i gave.


So when I had my first daughter and she was an angel. Even at six when she comes home with the super terrible i know everything six year old attitude she is not hard to get through too. When i give her a consequence she just pouts.

I had thought my parents were wrong though. My first daughter was an angel and my second baby smiled all the time.

Even at 9 months when my quiet smiling baby started yelling at me i didnt see the resembalance to me. Because from 18 months to two and half she went back to being sweet and kind and loving. Slowly though i see me in her and I fear for my sanity.

For example they coloured on my walls. I mean they coloured murals on like eight walls. Im going to figure out how to add pictures and give you all a laugh!

I made them wash them off. I was terribly stern I was a terribly mean mommy. Bria seemed to learn her lesson. She has coloured on the walls since but she has kept them small and hidden.... Mia punished me almost immediately for the wall incident and my harshness. She coloured my brand new chaise with marker....

Now when I say she is me.... its her reasoning skills and negotiating persistence that reminds me of me. It is exhausting. And funny. when she is naughty and she often is, she says things that I remember saying and I can see her train of thought like it is my own. The fact that she is so like me makes parenting her impossible... well almost. I cannot keep a straight face in the midst of one her episodes.

Panic Often sets in when i look at my gorgeous clever trouble maker and i think of my life as a teen..... and this is what my parents threatened me with.....

My House Smells like vomit

There is not a clean room in my house. uhg I can't stand it. and so what am i doing.... escaping to my computer lying to my husband saying i have to work.

This is not work..... well i guess sort of is, I make diapers for a living and this chronicles my diaper life.

I have just put a load of diapers in the wash and i only did that because I had to.

My Baby has being so sick. I mean sick ! She is six months old and i have never had a sick baby before. She started teething on tuesday night so that was a pretty sleepless night.... then she got sick on weds. nite. And when I say sick I mean "is it possible for that much stuff to come out of a little baby" kind of sick. More then once she covered me from head to toe in baby upchuck. we didnt sleep on wensday either..... On thursday she vomited so much she obstructed her airway. I took her to the hospital. the nurses helpline was going to make me call 911 but seriously i live closer then the ambulance.....well sort of. We didnt sleep on thusday nite either....... friday I was a zombie. my house smelled rancid.

I was drunk on exhaustion. we ate pizza. I hadn't being eating because i was to tired to make something. Pizza was good. we left all our dishes on the table. we left our clothes on the floor, toys were everywhere.

I went to bed early friday night. I expected the exhaustion drunkedness to let me fall asleep right away..... Oh my god...... I cant eefing sleep..... the baby is asleep, dennis is asleep, the girls are asleep and i cant sleep. I tried counting sheep. Yeah i did. I know its from a mattress commercial or whatever but i tried anyways.....I'm still not asleep. I look at the clock its just about 12:00 and all i can think about is trying to force myself to sleep. who knows how long i have..... before " she" starts again.

Yup I just referred to my precious gorgeous baby girl as "she". I havent slept. Im blaming my poor baby..... you try three days with no sleep and tell me how you handle it! I sleep.

baby wakes up at 3:45 whine crying.... I ignore.... dennis doesn't... God i love him! at 4:30 she is still whine crying. dennis and me are both up now.... nothing is working... 5:00 still whine crying.... dennis says " oh god just go to sleep" I say "I'm Trying" He laughs.

I decide to give "the brain damage giving, everyone gets bad emails about the danger of numbing the toungue and choking to death, poison BABY ORALGEL " and for those of you who are against it I did my own home studies and not once did my toungue go so numb I choked on it.... I also give her some tylenol.

By six she is sleeping and by six oh one I am too. I sleep and so does den till 9:30 our older girls have being up eating wagon wheels for a couple hours.

When she wakes at ten I drag my lazy butt out of bed. I pick her up and have a snuggle. Even when she is sleep sweaty, puke covered, and a full cloth diaper full of pee , she smell precious and perfect. Im nuzzling her when i see something coming out of her ear. I look and it is full on infected I can see puss (god that word is gross) coming out of her ear. Great I was suppose to bring her to the emergency today and now im going to have to.

Now let me tell you I was not looking forward to a saturday visit to the emergency department. The wait is terrible.... always like fifteen or more people waiting to see a doctor and i was going to have to hold my baby on my lap so random germ infested people wouldn't feel the need to touch her hands and her face. I am prepared I put on my moby wrap and swaddle my baby put her in facing me the only visible part of her is her face and people wont touch her when her face is so close to me.

Now dont get me wrong... Im not a germa phobe anymore.... but the hospital is a breeding ground for mrsa and staph bacterias not to mention people who go there arent there because they r healthy.

I go in baby is quiet crying she is taking it all in. Quietly letting people assess her. They send us out into the waiting room to wait.... not a priority. I sit with her and after a minute she is use to the waiting room she starts to whine cry. Someone stops and says how cute she is and touches her face..gross. Then after a minute of whinecrying she starts to really cry.... The people in the waiting room look at me with a mixture of pity and am I really going to have to listen to this for the next two hours.

Here comes the nurse. he says " can reg and aaaah tinsley follow me."

I think what we just got here. OH well they put me in the kid room. Baby keeps crying. I try to calm her I try to make her laugh. But all I get is a laugh cry and it sounds kind of creepy so I hold her and let her cry. I hear the doctor, he says" no no I will see them after" I will take care of the babe first"

What really.... it's a full house in the er... I just saw the ambulance bring in someone I saw three beds full at least and someone in the cast room and I get to see the doctor first..... Baby is still wailing. Doctor says to me " i will just wash my hands and we will see what we can do for you baby"

He comes in and listens to her chest. She screams the entire time. I tell him about the puss ( the word just grosses me out) he has a look and says "wow I cant even see her drum she is really infected." Hands me a prescription gives her some motrin and i am on my way out... As Im thanking the doctor tinsley falls asleep so quickly we both look down. She is so peaceful. So sweet. Had she being doing this ten minutes ago i would still be waiting in the waiting room instead im joyfully leaving. Woohoo thank you tinsley for being unbareable!!!!!

She sleeps I sleep.

Now it is monday one full day from the last time she was ill. My house is still a disaster. It is gross. I should be doing something but im not. Im on my computer, d- virusing the kids computer while siting with mine on my lap pretending to work hoping my husband will wash the floors.....

no Farm for this gal

of course i didn't actually have the guts to ask dennis for a sheep. This is not my first time down the barnyard pet road. and let me tell you no one is ever on my side.... well amanda usually is.



About a year or so ago I was positive I needed a cow. seriously I needed a cow. when I say I like to do things myself i'm talking everything.. the cow started actually with amanda telling me I should read the little house on the prairie books. yeah sounds juvenile i know but man are they interesting. Well during the story it descrbes how "ma" makes cheese, get this....gag.. with the stomach of a milk fed calf. I had never thought of cheese being a home made thing before. Sooo I totally got into looking up how to make cheese and where to get supplies from and get this I ordered special plant based enzymes for curding up the cheese. Yay not killing baby cows at this house! So I can hardly wait to make some cheese as soon as my stuff arrives I get down to making some mozzarella.



mmmmm. It is good. wow and easy. So I make a few more bathches. mozza is easy its a fresh cheese ... no aging. But around my forth batch something goes wrong my curds look like crappy tiny flakes of feta. and it wont melt to mozzarella. a waste. my next batch same thing.



Of course i go to my trusty computer and find out its the over sterilation of the milk companies messing with my curd. Well I cant just call up island farms and tell them to turn it down a notch so i put a facebook call out for anybody with some home pasterized milk. haha what a joke.. im the most granola out of anyone i know..... I would be the one to have a cow and milk it. Yeah I should have a cow and milk it. What a great idea. I mean Dennis is always talking about getting acrerage. Why have land if your not going to use it. So i run it by my trusty always on board hubby.. he says great idea.

woohoo butter time!

then he says " don't cows make the most milk in summer." "yeah" i say. "well we're never home in the summer"

hmmm he is right. were chronic summertime vacationers. may to sept im not around. but i mean im talking a glorious farm with chickens cows ponds and whatever else you put on a hobby farm, oh yeah and a duck definetly want a duck. who needs to vacation when you have a wicked farm. plus the farms im looking at cost a pretty penny so we totally wont have money to vacation, or buy cheese. so it will be a good thing that i can make my own!!!

so now in the present time, months later I dont live on a farm.. no cow no chickens no pond no flipping duck. As it turns out i kind of like having a bit of cash and it was a high price to pay to make a little cheese at home...

so not to put me through the whole excitement of getting a farm to the reality that it just wont happen I put the sheep out of my head pretty quickly... besides im a crappy knitter!

can i have a sheep dennis

So in the 50's wool "longies" or shorties" were soakers. pants shorts or diaper wraps to cover your babies cloth diapers. well now is the new age of wool. apparently wool is the all time bulletproof diaper cover.

Now those of you who know me know im totally into making my own stuff. Im not about to spen fifty dollars on a diaper cover.

So i research wool..... wikihow is amazing...how-to is not bad.... its dinner time my kids r hungry and im glued to the computer screen figuring out ways to make wool diaper covers. den says the kids r hungry and i say make some kd. I hear bria say not again no i dont want kraft dinner. You know you've being serving to much KD when a six year old refuses!!!

I get up ...reluctantly... and scan my cupboard and freezers. poor dennis he is craving red meat and i 've being serving chicken for a week. I decide i could make bacon mushroom carbonara and a apple fig salad and be back to the computer in no time.... I admit it I have a Problem.

Sitting down for dinner... rule at my house we always sit together for dinner.... this rule is so fricking lame i could be researching the best way to use recycled material to make diaper covers instead im watching my six year old make lettuce wraps with carbonara. gag.

I shovel food down super fast. Im done, when your done you can leave the table. aaaaahhhh back at my computer..... all the imformation i could possibly need with a few strokes of my fingertips.

So research tells me how to make wool longies out of old sweaters...... I have ridiculous size closet... ive worked in a clothing store for ten years I ve actually made my husband convert a bedroom into a walk in closet. So of course i must have some old wool sweaters buried in there. I start going through the labels.... can you believe it the only sweater i have that has any wool in it is a vest and its only 13 percent. i have litterally spent thousands of dollars on clothes made out of viscose and acrylic..... I should read labels when i buy more often.

haha an idea strikes me.... the hospital auxillary....our towns version of a thrift store. Of course i can find old wool sweaters there. It will be rich resource for my diaper needs! So i have the great idea of going with three kids in tow. when i say great idea i mean the total opposite. the store is full of crabby people searching for bargains... who knew this place was such a happening place. I go to a rack of womans sweaters.... nothing... nothing...100 % cashmere wool... hmm pink... im gonna try....nothin nothing nothing nothin....HOLY I seriously can't believe i cant find one lambs wool sweater. this blows.... mens section ... not even a sweater section... well thats fine i want girly things anyways.... plus size oooh whats this yup its a totally ugly boiled lambs wool swearter. i dont care im gonna make it work. i bring my two pitiful finds up to the casheer she says fifteen dollars. HUh fifteen dollars for two used sweaters. I dont say this out loud but i think it.. i also think crap i have to cut sew and make mistakes 30 more dollars i could have had someone make them for me.


I make them and they blow. uber ugly. oh well... time and money not well wasted.

So im at the fall fair. lots of cute things. but this one station really catches my eyes three ladies... sheep skins, bags of dirty wool, those spinning machines ,"like from sleeping beauty", ladies knitting. I can knit. i've knitted before not well but i'd get better.

Now this is how my brain works.

I dont think of buying the wool already spun. I dont think about buying the unspun wool. i think i should buy a sheep. harvest my own wool... ive done it on farmville...looked easy enough to me. spin it dye it and knit it into soaker. of course i can do this... now one problem occurs to me.

how do i ask my husband..."can i have a sheep dennis"

want to cloth diaper your newborn..

So Some times i feel like i should help let a mom cheat.... I make diapers. It's my buisness. its how i make moula to feed my brood. but you need money too. lots of moms want to cloth their baby right from birth.... and this is a good choice. the earth loves you for it! But Lots of those moms waste they're money and a lot of time doing laundry. A newborn will go #2 like every five minutes..... so if you have some fancy all in ones or pockets designed for newborn you will need twelve to get you through the day. And thats expensive and a lot of laundry. by the time your babe is two months he or she will have chunked up enough to fit in a size medium.... or one of my BUMBAROO diapers 10lbs. to potty time dipes. Most medium dipes will be good till 18 months, if not longer. Thats when to invest your moula in a fancy diaper.

The solution is to buy two small covers. and stuff them.... I cheat at this too.

You know you've being there. you change your precious babes bum and seconds after you're done they let out a little wet fart..... it's not much but if you leave it they're your babe will probably rash, you change them its one more sposie or cloth dipe to take care of. so this is how i cheat.... I fold a 12X10 peice of flannel in three, this absorbs moisture, over that i put three layers of fleece. measurement is like 4 " X 10" . When the little one does the squirt thing you just remove one layer of fleece, which i usually use to clean them up with. This method will cut your full dipe changes to like 4 - five a day. the covers can be quickly washed and dried if needed and a whole day of changes adds up to about the same size as one all- in one diaper..... and three days of material also adds up to the cost of an all in one!


My babe is about 6 months now but i have to admit i always use this method in the morning... I will put a clean all-in-two on her but i also put a layer of fleece because it never fails she always goes about 15 minutes after her first change of the day!!!!!

Crayons on My Dipes

I hate crayons!!!!!

I mean I hate them! and at this point i hate Crayola who has the audacity to claim they r washable.

Ten diapers aswell as baby blankets and these amazing sheets that i have definetly paid tooo much money for are covered in turquoise and fushia crayons. My dryer is coated.

This is the second day of being pissed off. Usually i dont last that long but it is not @#$%ing washable.

When i take them out and sit on the kitchen floor and tell my 6 and four year to gather all the crayons in the house and put them in the garbage. My six year is shocked.... why would her art loving mom who hangs all her gorgeous pictures of the same three princess on her bedroom wall, command with such authority to get those horrible crayons out of my house.

I calmly explain that for the second time crayons have made it into the dryer and destroyed things... "B" says (thats my six year olds nick name. " can I see"

I show her and she asks "whats the prob mom" she says they look great and theyre you're favorite colours. SHe says I always use them all the time to make your pictures.... In my head im thinking that little brat just confessed to being the irresponsible crayon holder. Im terrible. Im super terrible. Im holding my six year old responsible for my laundry mishaps. I feel like shouting in my frustrations... the sheet cost 90 dollars... its not a gorgeous soft feeling green its a meely of crayon colour turq, fushia, and what ever those two colours make when they are mixed together!!!!!!!!!

Deep breathe. maybe a few more....what time is it? 11:15.... I should be making lunch but instead im torturing my kids by making them throw out the crayons themselves... I take pity on them or maybe on myself 'the whining is terrible'. "go away mommy will do it and i will get you pencil crayons they make better pictures anyways"

I saw on martha stewart an iron and a paper towel will get it out. I grab a diaper and start. I place the iron down and pull it up "yes" the paper towel has colour on it!!! this is working!!! I look at the dipe itself it doesnt look different.... just more of this ironing will do the trick......( this is where i decide im crazy) I have completely ignored my over priced sheet to fix something that gets crapped in!
If you were wondering it doesnt matter if you iron the dipe for a half an hour the dipe stays stained and you get a colourful useless papertowel. Thats a half an hour i will never get back!!!!

My next idea is to boil the wax out..... i put a few dipes in a big pot of water and boil them. to waste time while this is happening i decide to go to the dryer and clean it..... Its hard.... I turn on the dryer to loosen the horrible wax. I get some off this way... but not enough to put anything in there safely..... I try good old baking soda. nope it doesnt work.... Oh my god im going to have to use the horrible magic eraser " you know the one im talking about.... you've probably gotten the emails telling you that it will burn your skin to the bones or kill your dog " yup Im gonna need that kind of cleaner on the dryer.....I get it out glove free.... im living on the wild side and scrub.... with very little results.... stupid horrible crayons and magic eraser!! Magic nothing!!!

I hate mr. clean now too.

The boiling doesnt work!!!!

Am I Moving Backwards

Im a serious cloth diaperer now..... But i have found a sposie diaper that doesn't burn my babes butt. They're brown and chlorine free and if we only use one and then cloth she is fine. I had to buy them because we were going camping in the rain and the possibility of me running out of clean dry diapers was to great to risk.

My husband is loving the ease of disposables.... im not sure why. i feel like the process is about the same:

1. lay baby down
2. take dirty dipe off
3. wipe
4. put clean dipe on
5. Now here is the difference on cloth you walk to one of the two pails i have and slip the dipe in to be washed .... or you take the dipe off and go to the garbage.

what i feel is the benefit of cloth is we can go weeks if not longer with out going to the dump. Also we never have to clean up dirty diapers off the lawn that the neigbors dog has torn apart eaten and regurgitated....yup its gross.

cloth we have to do laundry... we have to! this is good for me because i hate laundry this makes sure at least some things in our house get clean.

But am i getting to into cloth diapering...I started off with a two peice cloth diaper system. the diaper then the cover.... then i went for the cadilac all in one.... then i went to the all in two which is like an all in one but you stuff it with a soaker and they dry super fast. Now these are all amazingdiapers but now im making these really cute covers and im using receiving blankies and the orgami fold with a fleece liner. this is a complicated three peice system and im loving it..... so am i moving backwards????

Jay's nicotine patch makes me reconsider disposables.

My sis and me with our busy life often escape to go shopping. Not even fun shopping. The god i dont want to go to walmart but we've being using mcdonalds napkins as toilet paper for two days kind of shopping.

So we pick each other up and head on down to "waller-mart" This is what one of my daughters calls it and i cant seem to stop.

I'm getting the ever neccesary bathroom tissue dish soap and what not. She is getting Jay some nicotine patches. He's quitting again and the patch really helps.

Were spending a lot of time in the patch aisle and I start thinking, This patch is small but he absorbs the poison nicotine through his skin.... weird.

I go home and carry on with my life as usual.

We are still inserting mimi's undies with the left over sposies from tinsley at night time. and she is still not making it through the nite. Even with two pee breaks in the nite she is always wet in the am.

Doing laundry one day i guess one of the disposables went through the wash. YOu know what im talking about... the gel or whatever those soft little pebbles r were all over my clothes. so I washed again.... they were still theyre all over my shit!!! Not disapearing. They look unatural. This is definetly bad for the enviroment and im trying to wash them down the drain. Very irresponsible.

So I bring my clothes and sit on my kitchen floor by the trash and start picking off the gelly balls. Im aggravated and i blame this problem on my husband dennis. God why do men even attempt laundry...argh!!! Can you imagine how pissed i would be if dennis left all the laundry to me. I'm so flipping unreasonable!

But Im starting to think about these disposables even more. Two loads of laundry and its basically intact. I look online to find out what they're made of. Any cloth diaper site cant wait to tell you all about the horrible disposable. So i dont go theyre, i just want to know. What i read is " the most poisonous chemical in the world dioxin" Who knows if this statement is true. But then I read "cancer rates up" "Causes Cancer" "Infertility" "500 years to decompose" which i find a weird statement since they've only being around for 50 years so how would they know! But its obvious they can survive quite a bit. I dont know why but at this momment all I can think about is my brother in law jay's patch.

Holy crap he can get nicotine from a 2"x2" patch. What the F#@% am i leaching into my childrens tiny little bodies. I decide I dont want to know. I shut the computer off automattically disgusted by my train of thought. Crap now it's going to take forever to boot up! Im such an overreactor.

But i dont care no more disposables, In fact im going to buy all natural deodarant and soap. That nicotine patch has just made the jones house a lot stinkier!